In
addition to weekly individual therapy sessions, I also attend a weekly therapy
group that specializes in a treatment called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
(D.B.T.). This treatment is "designed specifically for individuals with
self-harm behaviors, such as self-cutting, suicide thoughts, urges to suicide,
and suicide attempts."[1]
D.B.T. is set up like a class with lessons and homework assignments, and is
split into four modules: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation,
and interpersonal effectiveness. The goal of D.B.T. is to help people learn how
to identify the triggers that lead to reactive states and which coping
mechanisms best apply in the given situation.
D.B.T., Lindsey Max, 2016
We
are currently working on emotion regulation. This week’s homework assignment is
to go through a list of myths about emotions and write down a challenge to each
myth. One of the myths is that “creativity requires intense, often out-of-control
emotions.” I pause for a while to reflect on this statement. My emotions and my
creativity seem to have a mutually beneficial relationship, particularly for my
currently project. Often when I am experiencing intense emotions, I look to
photography as a way to distract myself and calm myself down. I find working
with film to be particularly calming, from shooting to processing to printing
in the darkroom. It is at these
times I also feel that I do my most creative work. If and when I start to feel
unstable, I use photography to center myself. Photography is my form of
meditation. I translate the energy I am spending on negative thoughts and
emotions into creative energy. One of the side effects of my depression is that
I often have very little energy and it can be difficult to motivate myself to
do even the littlest tasks. Additionally, the antidepressants I take also cause
drowsiness. Therefore, it is at times when my emotions are running high that I
tend to have the most energy, and thus translating this negative energy into
creative energy seems to produce my best results. This is not to say that I am
only creative when I am feeling depressed, but rather that the more intense I
am feeling, often the more creative I am. For example, in high school I was given Rorschach tests at a time when I was pretty down, and the psychiatrist had to cut me off because I was giving too many answers for what I saw in each figure. I was also told I was the first patient to say a figure looked like a Georgia O'Keeffe.
D.B.T. From the Other Side, Lindsey Max, 2016*
*I have been asked to note that the figures in this image are not real Rorshachs
I agree that peak emotional conditions can be reigned in (exploited/diffused??) by photography. I know because I do it! Working with professional dancers for over fifteen years, I have seen many come and go. Some stay for years, others stick around for the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee. I usually get my best work right after a dancer decides, or is told, that they will be leaving. There is an urgency and a connection that is tangible. I do this in my own work as well. The camera neutralizes my anxiety and allows me to create an image that pushes back against an unseen issue, allowing me to compartmentalize and memorialize in the same moment. The resulting image may have a universal appeal or it may be specific in nature- either way I have unburdened myself by the act of creation. I feel you may be doing the same thing. I still think the observation of the emotional landscapes of your therapist's offices is powerful and thought provoking. These environments are charged with an emotional intensity that is palpable....
ReplyDelete