"Am I Being Crazy?"

This past week I had an interesting experience in which I felt like I was watching myself through the actions of someone else. As I mentioned in a previous post, I often question whether my thoughts and interpretations of reality are truly objective, constantly asking myself, “Am I being crazy?” As a result, I tend to seek the approval and reassurance of others, and, in doing so, tend to repeat myself over and over again to ensure that I am, in fact, sane.

I was therefore intrigued when I heard a friend ask this question repeatedly, “Am I crazy?” I listened as he explained the situation he was in, how absurd and irrational his boyfriend was acting. I watched as it devolved from this one situation to a general pattern of frustrating behavior. I listened to him repeat the same aspects of the story over and over again, telling anyone who would listen, exasperatedly asking again and again, “Am I crazy?”

No matter how many times my friends and I assured him he was in the right, that his boyfriend was acting ridiculous, that he was not crazy, more parts of the story kept pouring out of him, as did the question of whether or not he was crazy. It was so strange to watch because I realized I have done the same thing many times before; repeating myself, retelling the same story to anyone around me, constantly seeking reassurance that I am in the right and not going insane. As badly as I felt for my friend, a strange sense of relief washed over me as I watched and listened to him. I sympathized with him, but I could not help but feel happy at the realization that I am not the only one who has moments like this. Not only that, but being on the other side of the situation I was finally able to see that, as the listener, I was not frustrated or tired by him. For after the fear of being crazy subsides, I then get the fear that I am annoying my friends by asking the question. I hope I can remember this the next time I am having an am-I-crazy moment.